im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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