Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
