When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
