You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
