I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
