Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
