I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
