THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
