i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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