ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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