fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
