I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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