Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
