the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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