I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Your cock deserves a montage
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
