i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
