i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
