I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
