you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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