so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
