Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
