come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Someone came in the potted fern
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
