Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
