i already hear my dad disowning me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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