btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That accounts for only three of the penises
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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