none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
