I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
