After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
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i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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