Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
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That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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