it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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