How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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