Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
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