addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We need to get me chipped asap
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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