Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
