This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
