so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
