my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I enjoy the company of your penis
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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