You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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