Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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