so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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