I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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