I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
