I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She is in my trunk
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
