I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
