I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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