pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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