Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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