I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This is the high leading the old right now
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
