If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
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Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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