Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
