"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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