Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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