Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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