Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
