Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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