He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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