I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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