pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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