She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
