Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
