i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
