I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
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Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
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No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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