Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
