am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
