Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My vagina is officially offended.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
