Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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