so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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