1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
