Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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