I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
