Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
