I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
